poetry. possible content warnings, as i usually write these to help me
cope/process things. possible content warnings include:

- self-harm implications
- substance abuse implications
- descriptions of dissociation & hallucinations
- abuse/trauma implications

poems archived newest to oldest.



freshly starched 1000 thread count
smells of cheap hand sanitizer.
start to fall asleep and you
start to fall asleep and you
start to

ambien, 20mg, and a chest tube.

3 months, 2 years, 4 years, and 5 weeks.
dizzy time constricted fallout spent alive but livid
in a pallid wave of washed up dreams.
hello and welcome, on this day, here lay

it's been a while.
my body turns upside down like a hungry
animal instinct, nothing contrary.
saline and spit burn my nostrils as gravity pulls wayward.

it feels like a grid. like a collision.
like segmented frantic beams of light too faint to be seen or remembered.
sometimes it flashes like heart palpitations, sometimes it's a door, sometimes it's
a fever in the dead of night and the whole house is filling with sand.
sometimes it's being stretched and strung out
like streamers or dreamers with shivering hands.
it feels like recognizing something that catches a silent cry in your throat.
seeing something in someone else's eyes that will never be discussed.

(i say it in jest but i really do hate this timeline.)



we're sinking
into what,
i do not know
we're sinking!
we're sinking.



secret scarlet planted thorn
pricked restless itches, a bygone
half-born half-mirrored delusion of us
compressed heart valve symphony
splattered roses in once lonesome company

fold here to tear apart this resistance
salt crystal smile, your bite sinks in deep
my splintered silicate reservoir of fear
in breached with an unwavering and unwaiting
insistence, in just an instant

hopelessness spills into my mouth
fragility is a mess on wine-stained lips

cauterizing poison-tipped arrow nights
sauntering sleepless and tethered
agency interfered in permanence
however it goes and whoever knows
leads to bindings and bent feathers



the difference between us is
the way you watch in fear and
the way you reach and
the way you clamor and
the way you hate
but the passing gaze
of the ones to whom you
handed your chains
still makes your heart burst aflame

a swelling tepid surge
washed over my lava-scarred core
dry eyes replenished in a nebula of steam
instability, cooling heaving mounds
and a single bud of green



spiraling spiraling the timeline is curved
impossibly tight, haven't you heard it
curling in on itself. i've been hurled
into a whirling mass of doors
closed behind me, locked with a forward
shove and a ch-click. hiccups start
in the back of my throat and a moat of
acid pools around me, grounds me,
wears canyons into my cheeks,
this week has changed so utterly impossibly
absolutely unforseen, tirelessly absurdly
hurriedly secretively altered
destiny destiny fate predetermined
my chest is heavy and heaving i'm
leaving my body, it seems i
do this a lot
i thought




scarred feet won't travel,
frozen feet won't heal.
this journey's first step begins
on the other side of the world.
around and around the logic goes.
the length of my memories
envelops the Earth again
and i just keep drawing circles.



cycle through past present future
flipbook paradigm for a final bedtime story
hit 70 a few roads back and
time dilation steals the rest of the night
week month year life
one foot always hung over the side of
something deep and dangerous
and wings never came
hands bloodied with wringing worry
ears ringing with endless hurry
pelting waves stinging like needle filled fury
the softest black velvet voice,
"you knew."
somewhere events converged differently
somewhere, the gentlest
and lightest hint of something selfless
and something softly senseless
something just barely catching the sunlight
somewhere the answers were clearer
somewhere 3am was more than a barrage
of hasty pill decisions and numbing incisions
somewhere i had more faith



honey over stone
broken bones, shallow moans
a home in your eyes,
flies caught in dripped saccharine malice
molasses between contorting fingers
shadows linger, flicker flame
flicked whip tames a thirst
for bigger and brighter
and tighter
and righter
the righteous saline burning
breathing heavy under steel beams
intentions collapse in valor
last words laugh
cradle your body in half
wax figure melts under the pressure of
a steaming, renewing hope indecisive
it keeps its shape only in the dark.



tears in his seams as it repeats
listen again
i'm hu
i'm hurt i'm
hurt i'm hurt
feel their feelings wearing down as
broken token crocodile tears
stiff hands pat him on the back
"we know, we know"
little boy blue all beaten and bruised
a million poems about how he was used
broken record solitude



subculture spectacle in a spinning shitstorm
second-hand embarrassment
tastes familiar, smells like home.
the subconscious synesthesia
anesthetizes your self-worth,
was it worth it?
"a product of my environment"
reaching tentacle influence
confluence in conflict of interest.
excuse the destructive as they were
only looking for some peace of mind,
leaving pieces of others in their wake.
awake but glazed and fishbowl-eyed
glittering shattered glass intentions
stagnation formation builds a
covert nation of bitter rivals
caught in backhanded sharp turns
turning us feral
turning you gray in the face
maybe you start to wonder
"what am i doing?"



glittered asphalt
fault lines in distressed furrowed brow
seeping skin rash ripple
energy waver, cycles depleted
roadsign messages
in harrowing numbers
summed up, scream
it's never too late to regret
mistakes made in times of need
it's so heavy, the night is weighted
waiting it out but
we made it in headlight glare
nightmare stare through regretful choices
needle hits E and sore muscles sigh
dragged in, too many potentials
hotels and car rentals
just for a good night's sleep



simple minded simple
humming electric eclectic party favors
party of two in a state of entanglement
in a state of despair in a
desperado high stakes
makes your head spin makes us
wallow wallow wallow
takes his pills just
swallow swallow swallow
where will this end
where will we spend our taciturn
ticking time bomb of a brilliant
illuminated - ruminated - recipient love
lover's quarrel never more than a barrel of
laughing singing crying on my shoulder
feathers falling calling cirrus
night sky promise, night moon holding
holding your hands in mine and we dance



glass frame wire frame tap tap tap
black glass, black tipped nails pass
vertices converging in service
stranded strands cracking like fractals
smooth surface revolutions
surface tension invents its own sensations,
ethereal whether or not you
leak through like black ink smoke
leak from a body shaped like waking anxiety
wildly hiding from walking and talking
and sitting in silence and
watching a life hatching in caskets of doubt
it's about time
tap tap tap